176,736,324 thoughts +1
Where is my head at? I don’t think that I could tell you if I tried. I got to see Nicky for the first time today in a while and it was good. He started talking to me about the laws of attraction and I am so happy that he is reading and I know that he can be the best man he tries to be. He told me that if I feel a certain way that I should speak up because I agree that it can be hard feeling one way when someone doesn’t even have an idea.
But how do you not have an idea? That’s all I’m saying. Alright, ALRIGHT, I don’t do well with feelings, I don’t like being denied, or rejected, so I mean those are some of the ground fundamentals in building self esteem, but I don’t think I could handle that, being as I don’t put myself in that situation because it just never seems right. I mean I’ve been told no before, or that it just wasn’t right and I just say, well okay, now let’s still be friends but they get all dumb on me because I FELT some type of way. Well once I know that it isn’t a mutual thing then I stop, retract, ya know, I get it together and push those thoughts out of my head. It’s only natural right?
Well if that is the case then I need to get it together. I am metaphorically speaking banging my head into the brick wall because I don’t know where, or what, or when, or how I should approach my situation without making it weird. It is all so fantastic that I wouldn’t want to ruin that. Scared, I don’t like being scared or nervous but only when I think about telling about how I feel.
Honestly, who the fuck do I even talk to about this? I mean well Nicky and I obviously talked about it because he brought it up. Oh, I’ve told almost everyone about my heart bubbles which, that was a little obnoxious, I haven’t told anyone that actually really matters in the equation.
I am going to sit in the shower, I would love to try and collect my thoughts but I think I need another way around this. I’m going to meditate afterwards. Try and put my head in a different spot. I work all day tomorrow. I need a little de-stressing before going to pretentious marlton.
Breathe easy, stay fly.
